Amid great furor and media debate over running back Ray Rice's release from Baltimore Ravens and indefinite suspension by the NFL, emerges a much bigger question: Is it a woman's right to just and respectful behavior or is it woman kind's folly that such behavior by men goes unpunished?
http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/08/us/ray-rice-new-video/
Rice's wife, then fiance and the victim in this case, Janay Palmer has gone on record to defend her husband Ray Rice despite his despicable and in my opinion unpardonable actions. Why do women not only stay in such abusive relationships, but as has become obvious in this case, even support their abuser?
As a woman, as a mother and as a victim of domestic violence and abuse, I am still struggling to find an answer to this question. Research and statistics indicate that children from such relationships are often the reason a woman chooses to stay in such relationships and continues to subject herself to emotional and physical abuse. I can speak to that from personal experience. Mind you, as a highly educated, highly qualified and successful professional woman, other reasons such as fear, money, helplessness and/or love did not really count in my case.
Yet, as my partner continued his transgressions and with each incident upped his level of abuse or violence, I continued to feel helpless and refused to take any steps to expose him or bring him to justice. While the level of direct physical abuse in my case was almost negligible, the level of emotional abuse and physical intimidation were extremely high, enough to set alarm bells off in my mind and certainly enough to be able to report him to authorities. Yet, I worried every morning about the impact on my little one, how would he feel if he grew up to find out his father was an 'abuser', how would he feel about not having a normal, regular family like most of his peers did? Would it ruin him? And did I feel comfortable being the mother to instigate such ruin of her own child? I worried, and I worried. Meanwhile I just lost time, and I only emboldened my abuser.
I struggle even today to find answers to my own behavior, to my complacence towards my own well being. I feel ashamed I did not stand up for myself, but I feel even more ashamed of having done wrong by my own kind. You see, every woman who chooses to ignore her abusers, only encourages more violent abusers, and dissuades other women from coming forward and stepping up for their own rights.
Hard as it is, I wish I had done the right thing and set the right example for my son, so he would grow up to know that as a man, he has the right to a woman's love and loyalty only if he can be loyal and respectful in return. That abusers, are in fact criminals and should be recognized as such.
This is to all women out there who struggle with this dilemma everyday. If I had a chance to go back and redo things, I would be a stronger woman, I would stand up for myself because what really matters at the end of the day is the value system I inculcate and the examples I set for my children to do the right thing.
http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/08/us/ray-rice-new-video/
Rice's wife, then fiance and the victim in this case, Janay Palmer has gone on record to defend her husband Ray Rice despite his despicable and in my opinion unpardonable actions. Why do women not only stay in such abusive relationships, but as has become obvious in this case, even support their abuser?
As a woman, as a mother and as a victim of domestic violence and abuse, I am still struggling to find an answer to this question. Research and statistics indicate that children from such relationships are often the reason a woman chooses to stay in such relationships and continues to subject herself to emotional and physical abuse. I can speak to that from personal experience. Mind you, as a highly educated, highly qualified and successful professional woman, other reasons such as fear, money, helplessness and/or love did not really count in my case.
Yet, as my partner continued his transgressions and with each incident upped his level of abuse or violence, I continued to feel helpless and refused to take any steps to expose him or bring him to justice. While the level of direct physical abuse in my case was almost negligible, the level of emotional abuse and physical intimidation were extremely high, enough to set alarm bells off in my mind and certainly enough to be able to report him to authorities. Yet, I worried every morning about the impact on my little one, how would he feel if he grew up to find out his father was an 'abuser', how would he feel about not having a normal, regular family like most of his peers did? Would it ruin him? And did I feel comfortable being the mother to instigate such ruin of her own child? I worried, and I worried. Meanwhile I just lost time, and I only emboldened my abuser.
I struggle even today to find answers to my own behavior, to my complacence towards my own well being. I feel ashamed I did not stand up for myself, but I feel even more ashamed of having done wrong by my own kind. You see, every woman who chooses to ignore her abusers, only encourages more violent abusers, and dissuades other women from coming forward and stepping up for their own rights.
Hard as it is, I wish I had done the right thing and set the right example for my son, so he would grow up to know that as a man, he has the right to a woman's love and loyalty only if he can be loyal and respectful in return. That abusers, are in fact criminals and should be recognized as such.
This is to all women out there who struggle with this dilemma everyday. If I had a chance to go back and redo things, I would be a stronger woman, I would stand up for myself because what really matters at the end of the day is the value system I inculcate and the examples I set for my children to do the right thing.
